


Rachel and Leah

by TolkienScholar23



Category: Hornblower (TV)
Genre: Angst, Biblical References, Diary/Journal, F/M, Jealousy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 18:09:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16310162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TolkienScholar23/pseuds/TolkienScholar23
Summary: Maria Hornblower is not so oblivious as she seems. She knows that she and the Hotspur are rivals, fighting for Horatio's attentions like the biblical Rachel and Leah. And she is all too aware which of the sisters she is.





	Rachel and Leah

**Author's Note:**

> A page from Maria Hornblower's diary just before the end of "Duty"

" _Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured. … And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah…" Genesis 29: 17, 30 (KJV)_

* * *

I know that Horatio does not love me as he loves the  _Hotspur_. To all the world it must seem as though I am unaware: a silly little woman too much in love to know she is not loved in return. Well, it is true that I am a silly little woman. It was silly to believe that if only I loved him deeply enough, if I took good enough care of him, if I was the supportive friend and wife he needed, he would come to love me as I love him. But the Holy Book says Leah was tender eyed, not blind. A woman knows well enough when her husband loves her rival more than her.

Sometimes, in the rare times when he is at home, I stand and stare out the window at that accursed ship where she sits in the harbour, wondering what makes her so much more "beautiful and well favoured" than I am. Why do the curves of her billowing sails have more power to stir his blood than the curves of my body? Why does he prefer the smoothness of her sleek sides to the smooth brown curls of my hair? Why does he seem more comfortable in the bustle and clang of the ship's activity than in the peaceful little home I've made for him? Why is the first thing he does in the morning to get up and look at her instead of staying to look at me?

Oh! I feel him stirring again. Little Horatio, Jr., that is. He's been quite active this morning. It is as though somehow he senses that today is important, that today is the day I will tell his father about him. I do hope it is a "him." It would be so pleasant to have a little boy romping about the place. And perhaps he will look like his father and will be a comfort to me whenever Horatio is away. And perhaps—perhaps Horatio will not want to be away so much if he has a son to come back home to. I now understand why the good Lord opened Leah's womb when He saw that she was unloved: she needed something that would tie her husband to her. Thank heavens that ships cannot bear children. That is one advantage I have, at least.

There is Horatio's footstep on the stair. His meeting with the admiral must have been brief; perhaps that means he has not yet been given a new assignment! I must go and see. And then I must prepare supper for him and Mamma; I want to make something special as a celebration of his return and, though he doesn't know it yet, of the baby. I can hardly wait to see his face when he hears the news!

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I must admit that the first time I watched the Hornblower series, I judged Maria pretty harshly. She was awkward and clueless and clearly didn't deserve Horatio; more importantly, she was distraction from the more interesting characters and events. However, when I rewatched "Duty" recently, I realized that I had totally missed the point of Maria's character. She was still awkward and clueless, and I still didn't think she deserved Horatio, but regardless, Horatio did choose to marry her—out of a sense of duty, yes, but it was still a choice. And after he married her, he did have a duty to her, a new kind of duty for him that he would have to learn how to fulfill. Maria's storyline wasn't a distraction; it was crucial to the development of Horatio's character.
> 
> I also began to ask myself why I didn't like Maria in the first place. She was not quite young or beautiful, but if that was my only issue, then I was the one with the problem, not her. She had an awful mother, but that was hardly her fault. If being infatuated with a man who was out of her league is a sin, well, I've been guilty of it, too, and while her cluelessness about how Horatio felt toward her was rather gauche, it was hardly a blight on her character. The truth was, she was a kind, compassionate friend to Horatio at a time when he desperately needed one, and her caring for him seems to have been genuine. I found I could no longer justify my previous dislike for her; I actually began to feel sorry for her and even, to my surprise, to root for her. I genuinely wanted Horatio to learn to love her, to make this little family work. And that's when I decided I wanted to write something from her perspective and try to show her in a more sympathetic light. This little drabble was the result. If you feel the inclination, I would love to hear whether or not you think I succeeded!


End file.
